


Where You Are Not

by cafne (tateragi)



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Full Game Spoilers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Saihara Shuichi, Spoilers, gonna go back to writing fluff after this lol.... haha unless?, set post ch5 bc i have FEELINGS, the saiou is implied/ambiguous tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:20:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27488722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tateragi/pseuds/cafne
Summary: "I should have done a lot of things... that night and even before that. I've failed you, in more ways than one."But maybe I'm just being selfish. For thinking that I could have helped you.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi & Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Kudos: 33





	Where You Are Not

Shuichi found himself standing in front of the open entrance to the hangar. It wasn't even intentional, it seemed like his feet always brought him here unconsciously. It's what he's been doing the last few days, actually. Just... staying in the hangar and thinking about the events that had occurred there.

The force field along with the Exisals that once lined one side of the hangar were gone, now that the Monokubs were alive and kicking again to operate them. On the other side, the hydraulic press sat there, its jaw open and inviting but unusable. Kaito had made it so when he snapped the wires in half to make sure that the press couldn't be lifted. How did he even do it, when his body was so weak from his sickness? How did he feel, watching as he crushed another one of them to his death with his own hand, with a simple press of a button?

Shuichi made his way to the press and gingerly placed a palm on the cold metal. It was a strange sight, touching the press and not having his hand come up with blood. The blood that should have been there. He wondered how the clean up must have been like. How did _he_ look under there? Was he even recognizable? Or would it just be blood, and skin, and dark, unruly hair, and broken bones? Could his crushed organs even be differentiated from each other? Maybe Kokichi had planned for the press not to be opened up so they couldn't tell who the victim was, as all they saw when they entered the hangar was blood coating the press and its surroundings, but maybe it was also one last mercy from the liar. 

Everyone bled red, friend or foe. They couldn't have known who was under there, but everyone had automatically assumed that it was Kaito. But that would have been too easy, too predictable for someone who was as unpredictable as Kokichi Ouma.

The liar said it best.

_"I don't plan on dying so soon, y'know? When I become the victim... or the culprit... I'll set up lots of tricks, so everyone can have loads of fun."_

When was it that he said that? It wasn't an "if" statement. It was a "when." Did Kokichi already know from then that he wouldn't make it out alive of this killing game? Was the leader already thinking of his own death right before they spent that afternoon together? As he watched the blood seep out of his own finger? As he laughed about stealing his heart?

Shuichi had stepped on his blood. He had walked with it sticking to the bottom of his shoe as he investigated, as he made his way to the underground trial room, as he condemned another friend to his death. He wore those shoes until he made it to his room, and finally noticed the dried blood that followed him. Shuichi might as well have had the boy's blood on his hands.

He could have prevented it. Maybe. Perhaps. 

That night, he had slept. He had slept through the events of that night, through everything. He slept thinking that everyone would adhere to the plan of storming the hangar and rescuing Kaito. He slept thinking that things might go well that next morning, that he might be able to talk to Kokichi and finally get answers to his questions. But no, everyone had a role to play that night, all except for him. Shuichi slept and Kokichi slept too, only permanently.

Shuichi could think up so many things he could have done differently that night. But it was too little, too late. Kokichi was gone, and all the lies and truths he held were gone too.

Before he thought better of it, Shuichi leaned down and slid under the press's metal jaw. He looked up, expecting to see some dried specks of blood at least, some that the cleaners (whoever they are) must have missed, but as always, they did a meticulous job. Like all the others, it felt like no death had ever occurred here.

Shuichi let the back of his head hit the metal plate with a soft _thud_. 

"Did it hurt, Ouma-kun?"

"...No, that's a stupid question. Of course it did."

"You were shot with two arrows, poisoned, and crushed to death. But you kept on working, thinking, adjusting your plan to turn that new development around somehow in your favor, to question the rules of this killing game in the inevitable trial for your death."

"You... you were too intelligent for your own good, Ouma-kun."

"I should have tried harder to watch over my lab, especially right after Iruma-san. Those poisons, really..." Shuichi clenched his jaw, remembering the effects of the poison Maki coated those arrows with. Strychnine was a nasty poison, and the assassin knew what she was doing when she chose to use it. "They were asking to be used and I should have kept a closer eye on them."

"I should have done a lot of things... that night and even before that." Shuichi balled his hands into fists. "I've failed you, in more ways than one."

_But maybe I'm just being selfish. For thinking that I could have helped you._

Shuichi outstretched his hand towards the ceiling of the press, thin fingers lightly ghosting over the hard metal. He closed his eyes as the last words he said to the leader played over and over again in his head like a broken record.

_"You're alone, Ouma-kun, and you always will be."_

"Ouma-kun, you... you really chose a lonely road for yourself." Shuichi let out a pained laugh, feeling his tears escape from his closed eyelids. He quickly wiped them away. "I wish you never felt that you had to."

Shuichi ran his fingers through his hair before letting his hand fall back down to his side, staring straight up at the pressing plate again.

"Was there a reason you chose the hangar to be where you held Momota-kun hostage?"

He remembered the aftermath of the fourth class trial, before Gonta was sent to his execution. He remembered how Kokichi had cried then, how he asked to be executed alongside Gonta but was denied that. He remembered how the shorter boy claimed that it was all lies and how he would never cry for Gonta.

_But you were lying to yourself, weren't you?_

"Did you look at that hydraulic press and wished for a painful death?"

He remembered the footage that the Exisal-- Kaito, had shown everyone. He remembered how the press briefly paused, the moment when the two had switched their positions, and how the press quickly came down right after. He swallowed back the bile rising in his throat at the fact that he'd actually _seen_ Kokichi's death. But if there was anything else to gather from that video, it was the speed of which the press had come down: fast.

"I only hope that the pain didn't register for you when you died."

He laid there for a few more minutes, letting his mind wander to friends long gone.

"We've been through a lot. We all have, and we shouldn't have fed into your lies that you were enjoying this game. We were all suffering, and that didn't exclude you.

"You were in pain, and I should have noticed. I'm a detective- that's, that's what I should have been good at. Noticing when things are off, I-" Shuichi bit back a sob. He took a deep, shuddering breath.

"...But would you have opened up to me?"

He would never know. Kokichi was gone, and that's the cold, hard truth.

**Author's Note:**

> Whenever you click on the labs/rooms of the people who died in the previous chapter, Shuichi always had a little something to say (my fave is Ryoma's actually). But for post chapter 5, there wasn't really time to explore like that because it went straight to Chapter 6's deadly life and there was frankly no time for Shuichi to dwell on his thoughts... Oof, no time for him to mourn Kokichi either (damn). So this is a short oneshot where they're given a few days before Kiibo blows up the school :pensive:
> 
> Ch5 always makes me want to cryyyy


End file.
